Saturday, May 14, 2011

Boy bits

When I asked my Facebook buddies about modern terminology for boy bits - for the purposes of the latest version of Losing It (yes, really!) - it caused much household mirth, as middle-aged and otherwise respectable parents called out to their offspring, 'Hey!  What do you young folk call penises these days?' The 56 comments the request amassed included:

dick (de rigeur, apparently)
doodle (archaic, apparently, tho my sentimental favourite)
dingle dangle (I'm not making this up)
donger (not the thing you sleep in on mine sites)
luscious love muscle
hairy dangler
doohickey (my favourite)
wing wang (my equal favourite)
vertical dangler
transcendental signifier (For all of you who suffered Literary Theory at university.  The friend who contributed this, one of the brainiest people on the planet, tried to train her young sons in irony at an early age.  But even child geniuses prefer dick, it seems.)

The prize for the most creative response, however, must go to Norman Jorgensen:

A Fine Mess 002. Woody could hardly get his breath. ‘You have to come quick. There’s this guy. He’s been electrocuted. With a cattle prod. In the cattle shed. There’s smoke from his …um.’

‘What?’ asked Terry Templar, in disbelief, ‘his bum?’

‘Ah no, his um… his …err…’ Woody pointed to his crotch. ‘His dick.’

‘His penis? What? Smoke? From his penis?’

‘No bull. In the cattle shed.’

Terry and Harry looked at each other in amazement. They had to see this. In all their years in the Ambulance Service they had never, ever, heard of anything this amazing.

Word spread round the showgrounds quicker than a loudspeaker announcement. A man with a smoking penis? Was it a new fairground attraction?

‘Whath’s a penith?’ asked Scarlet Bott. Mrs Bott clamped her hands over Scarlet’s ears.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Oh say, it's May!

Sorry for coming off all Enid Blyton-ish in the title.  But here in Perth it is a glorious May Day, which makes one want to write in rhyming couplets (or is that just me?) of jolly things.  I'll try to restrain myself.

Some random things, writing and otherwise:

1.  May is for moderation.  I'm not very good at being moderate in anything really, but I'm going to give it a burl this month.  In some areas, at least.  I'll let you* know how I go.

2.  Chess Nuts was a Notable book in the Children's Book Council Awards.  Although it's been selling well, I thought it had entirely disappeared off everyone's radar, so it was a delightful surprise for it to get a wee gong.  It is a good year for Western Australians: there are two on the younger readers' shortlist, Meg McKinlay and Sally Murphy.  Fabulous and well deserved.

As always I am surprised not so much about what's in the Older Readers Notables and Shortlist as what's not, and there were some corkers that didn't get a look in.  I think about the heartbreak and angst such things generate, and feel for those who produced great work that missed out.  It bites, but there's nothing to be done about it.  Just try not to become embittered and/or drink too much.  (Or else come over to my house and we can be embittered drunks together.  Just not in May.  See 1.)

3. I haven't been doing any writing, but I have been ruminating about the Next Thing.  Due to some stuff going on in my personal life I'm not sure how this will get done in the foreseeable future, but one of the good things about being at this stage of my writing career is that there is no particular rush.  Except that I Want To

4.  I have planted lettuce, coriander (I don't even know if this is the right time for it, but there were seedlings there and I'm a coriander fiend), spinach and broccoli, all in massive pots. 

5.  Does Kate Middleton seem to have no personality, or what?  Is this a deliberate ploy, or is she just missing something?  I remember watching the Diana wedding in primary school, and already she was known and loved.  This latest wedding made me go meh.  Is it just me?

6.  The Virginity Novel has a title and a new editor.  It's called Losing It and will be out in April 2012.  I can't wait.

7.  I love pelicans, especially ones that are nearly as tall as me.  Check out these two mighty birds (note however the way nobody is standing underneath):

* my one reader